i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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