I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
