I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
