Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
