I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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