CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
