he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
