you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
