Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
