Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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