I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
