How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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