my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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