I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
they need to just BURY HIM!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
