They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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