ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
