She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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