apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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