Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
