i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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