So drunk its hurt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
