..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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