Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
please come you make the beer taste better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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