Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
