the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
