is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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