I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
