worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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