Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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