420 ftw
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
