he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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