So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
