so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
