i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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