So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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