3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
