I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
