you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
