either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
