some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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