An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
