I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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