True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
