i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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