I don't think brook has ever known best
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
