I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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