I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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