If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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