Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
