I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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