I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
