I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
