I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I want is dick and wine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
