I just threw up on my dentist
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
