I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
