That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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