a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
