We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
