she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
