so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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