Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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