This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
