I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
