The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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