I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
