I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
