Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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